Today you are three weeks and one day old. Right now you are blissfully asleep on my left shoulder as I write this on an iPhone. I could be doing dishes but that would mean waking you, and I would much rather sit here with you in your post-nursing reverie, smelling your head, kissing you gently, cuddling you…
You are the answer to my prayers, little Willow Bean. You are my heart’s desire and I am so thankful every day to look down and see that this is all real. It’s not a dream. Our miracle baby has finally come after years and years of waiting. You taught me about patience, self care, and perseverance in the wait, and you brought Daddy and I closer together.
I was the happiest pregnant woman on earth. When I was so sick I could not eat I knew that it meant the pregnancy hormones were high and that you were here to stay. When I spent ten weeks on bedrest I celebrated every week knowing that it was one week longer we bought for you to grow and develop inside me where you were safe. When I finally gained enough weight that my belly popped out so that others could see at six months I was ecstatic because now I finally looked pregnant!! My body was working the way it should and I was so thankful. You helped me to trust my body again and to love myself and develop my strength as a woman.
What a blissful day it was when you were born. Empowering for me… It helped to heal some wounds. You are such a wanted and loved child. Every baby should experience being born to a momma who is laughing as she is pushing, singing during labour and as the baby is being delivered, and crying tears of joy upon feeling the fuzzy head of her newborn emerging into this world. I rocked on a yoga ball. I sat on a birthing stool. Daddy rubbed my back and held my hand. The nurses helped me when I was throwing up and my blood sugars kept crashing. Theresa the doula kept me hydrated and encouraged and made me feel strong. Dr. S made sure you got out quickly and safely when your heart rate and my temperature went crazy. We made it. Together. You and I are forever bonded by this magical experience of pregnancy and birth. You are the greatest gift I could ever receive.
One day you will be too big to fit on my shoulder. One day the last place you will want to be is on Daddy’s lap. But until that day comes, I will cherish every moment so that I can savour the sweetness of it and store it in my heart.
I love you, my miracle rainbow baby.