I was celebrating with a twitter friend who saw her miracle baby’s heartbeat for the first time today. She has had a long road with repeated pregnancy loss and this is the farthest a pregnancy has ever progressed for her. She is thrilled and yet still incredibly anxious. I remember too well the fear and the relief, the trepidation that those of us in this silent sorority still feel even when we “graduate”.
I remember how scared I was at Willow’s first ultrasound. I was praying for the best but had been warned that there may not be a heartbeat. There had been a crazy amount of cramping and blood loss. I had locked myself in the bathroom and scream-cried until I felt like I was going to pass out. I had mentally catalogued every piece of food I had put in my mouth that could have caused inflammation, every activity I had engaged in that may have stressed my body just that bit too much, every child with a runny nose I had worked with who may have set off my overactive immune system… I had desperately searched for the reason my body was killing off another baby.
When I saw the flicker of Willow’s little heartbeat on the ultrasound screen I wept and wept, literally shaking with relief and joy. It was a transformative moment. This baby was REAL. This baby was alive. This baby was here to stay. Maybe.
I came home and wrote this song for her… (Click on link below to hear)… I played the song for her every day until she was born. It was playing on my iPod when she came into the world.
Miracles can happen. Rainbows can come after the rain. Mine is cuddling with me right now. 🙂