Miracle Heartbeat: Music to our ears

I was celebrating with a twitter friend who saw her miracle baby’s heartbeat for the first time today. She has had a long road with repeated pregnancy loss and this is the farthest a pregnancy has ever progressed for her. She is thrilled and yet still incredibly anxious. I remember too well the fear and the relief, the trepidation that those of us in this silent sorority still feel even when we “graduate”.

I remember how scared I was at Willow’s first ultrasound. I was praying for the best but had been warned that there may not be a heartbeat. There had been a crazy amount of cramping and blood loss. I had locked myself in the bathroom and scream-cried until I felt like I was going to pass out. I had mentally catalogued every piece of food I had put in my mouth that could have caused inflammation, every activity I had engaged in that may have stressed my body just that bit too much, every child with a runny nose I had worked with who may have set off my overactive immune system… I had desperately searched for the reason my body was killing off another baby.

When I saw the flicker of Willow’s little heartbeat on the ultrasound screen I wept and wept, literally shaking with relief and joy. It was a transformative moment. This baby was REAL. This baby was alive. This baby was here to stay. Maybe.

I came home and wrote this song for her… (Click on link below to hear)… I played the song for her every day until she was born. It was playing on my iPod when she came into the world.

http://m.soundcloud.com/kimiko-marie-newbata/mb

Miracles can happen. Rainbows can come after the rain. Mine is cuddling with me right now. 🙂

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