Cringe-Worthy Children’s Songs

As a musical sort of gal, I often sing to Willow throughout the day, usually substituting my own lyrics about whatever we are doing to the tunes of familiar children’s songs or popular songs from my teen years. We have a diaper changing song, a staircase song, a quiet contemplation chair (bathroom) song, a plant watering song… you get the picture. Occasionally I will sing the actual words to a song. More than a few times I’ve stopped myself in the middle of a song when I realize what I am actually singing about.

Which brings me to…

“Cringe-Worthy Children’s Songs… A tongue-in-cheek review of some familiar yet demented ditties”

Alouette: Yes, let’s pluck a poor bird’s feathers from his still warm body while we joyfully learn the names of his body parts en Francais. Poor little bird didn’t know what was coming. Cruelty to animals packaged in a sweet little ditty. What would PETA think of this?

Three Blind Mice: Let’s teach our kids to use knives to maim and torture small animals. The farmer’s wife cut off the mouse’s tail while it was still alive? Yikes! Someone call PETA or the SPCA! Apparently the mice in question were also visually impaired! Talk about kicking someone while he’s down…

Ring Around the Rosy: If my tenth grade high school history teacher was correct, we are joyfully singing about people falling over dead from the Plague. Why are we smiling and dancing as we sing this? Who wrote this maudlin piece in the first place, and why is it so much fun to act out dying at the end?

It’s Raining, It’s Pouring: So many questions… was the old man drunk or suffering from sleep apnea? Did he need a CPAP machine? Why couldn’t he get up in the morning? Did he suffer a concussion from bumping his head? Or worse… Did he DIE?!? Why are we so cheerfully singing about him instead of finding him medical assistance?

Rock a Bye Baby: I started singing this to Willow at bedtime the other night and suddenly stopped when I got to the part where the cradle falls down with the baby in it, no doubt leading to the child’s death or dismemberment. Why are we so sweetly singing about a serious accident that really could and should have been prevented? Who hangs a heavy baby-laden cradle from a tree branch, anyway? Somebody needs to take a basic parenting and infant safety course. Just sayin’.

Hush Little Baby (mockingbird): Is there anything that Mama ISN’T going to buy you? No wonder we are surrounded by kids with entitlement issues. Sometimes birds don’t sing and rings don’t shine… Maybe we need to teach our kids to accept some imperfection in life instead of sheltering them from any and all disappointment by buying more and more “stuff”.

Hmmmm… maybe I’ll go back to making up my own lyrics!!!

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