When our 7-pound miracle was handed to me, she was so very light. I almost couldn’t believe how tiny this wee creature was, and how little she weighed. How effortless it felt to move an entire human being from one place to another!
I recalled caring for my father when he was bedridden, and how difficult it had been to roll his paralyzed body over to change his adult diaper. A week before he died, he begged me to carry him over to the couch from his bed so that he could feel “normal”, and I failed him because of my lack of strength.
And yet here I was now, carrying around a human being like it was no big deal.
My upper arms have never been super strong at the best of times, and three months of bedrest had not helped me to build a lot of muscle strength, but my body adapted to Willow’s weight as she finally started to put on weight after a rocky start. I was amazed at how well my muscles worked to build up the endurance needed to lift her as she grew heavier.
And as my body grew stronger, so did my heart and my mind. The sleepless nights and physical exhaustion were a marathon that I thought I may do me in.
But they didn’t.
I persisted.
And I grew stronger.
The seemingly endless anxiety coming at me from all angles about how I might be somehow harming our child with the wrong books, cereals, laundry detergent or sleeping schedules was overwhelming.
But I got through.
And I grew stronger.
The pandemic is testing our strength. We’ve been sacrificing so much to try to protect our most vulnerable, and it looks like there may be more sacrifice to come.
Some days, it feels like we should just throw in the towel and admit defeat… but then I look around me and I see just how far we have come, and I remember how much stronger I am today than I was when this all began. I look at our miracle and remember that she is worth fighting for. She is worth sacrificing for.
I know that we can get through this. Whatever it takes, we can do this. And we will grow stronger.